


Chocolate Head

by emmagrant01



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Challenge Response, Crack, M/M, Ridiculous, spell gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-28
Updated: 2011-08-28
Packaged: 2017-10-23 03:35:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmagrant01/pseuds/emmagrant01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco has a little problem. Okay, maybe not so little…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chocolate Head

**Author's Note:**

> Written to commemorate all of fandom giving each other (chocolate user) head(s) on LJ in June 2011. Fairly cracky. Definitely EWE. Thanks for all the chocolate!
> 
> [Translated into German](http://www.fanfiktion.de/s/501962b80000a8be067007d0) by Drarrys Lintu
> 
> [PODFIC](http://hp-podfic-fest.livejournal.com/51325.html) by Curlee_cue!

Harry Potter leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on his desk, and lifted his cup to his lips. It was only Monday morning, but it already felt like the week should be half-done. Mondays were like that. Everyone needed the services of the Cursebreaking Department on Monday mornings, it seemed. He'd already reversed eight liplocker charms that morning -- a teenage girl's slumber party had gone horribly wrong -- and that was before the office even officially opened.

His tea was already lukewarm, of course. This was the first chance he'd had even to taste it.

The knock on his door was sharp enough to startle him. He groaned and set the cup down again. Three entire minutes of solitude. That had to be a record for a Monday.

"Come in," he called as he swung his legs back down to the floor.

The door creaked open and a large black hat peeked through. Beneath the hat was a pair of sunglasses which were utterly unsuccessful at disguising the person beneath them. "It's me, Potter. Do you have a minute?"

Harry considered lying for a moment -- his encounters with Draco Malfoy rarely ended well. But before he could answer, Malfoy had already stepped inside his office and closed the door behind him.

"Rough weekend, I take it? What the hell are you wearing?"

Malfoy pulled the ratty floral housecoat more tightly around him and grimaced. "That's why I'm here, actually. You see--"

"I really don't have time for this, Malfoy. Whatever shit you've landed in this morning, your own department can dig you out." He pointed to his overflowing inbox.

"But Potter--"

"Fuck off. I'm busy."

Malfoy took the sunglasses off, revealing bloodshot eyes. "Potter, trust me -- if there were _anyone_ else I could have gone to with this, I would have. It's got nothing to do with MLE."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "Are you saying this is personal?"

Malfoy's grimace turned into a look of deep embarrassment. "Extremely."

This had to be good. Harry couldn't stop himself from smirking. "Well, you've got my attention. Go on, then."

He gestured toward the chair in front of his desk and Malfoy crossed to sit in it. He seemed to be in pain as he moved and sat gingerly, keeping the nightcoat wrapped loosely around him. His thick black socks were pulled up to his knees and he was wearing stylish shoes, which somehow made him look even more ridiculous.

Malfoy opened his mouth and closed it again, his forehead furrowed. He took the hat off of his head and settled it onto the floor beside him. His usually perfectly-styled blond hair was a mess.

"Out with it. I haven't got all day."

"I've been cursed."

"I'd gathered. This being the Cursebreaking Department and all."

Malfoy shot him a glare. "I broke things off with… with someone a few nights back, and they placed a curse on my…" He trailed off again and gestured vaguely at his groin.

Harry smiled as innocently as he could manage. "Sorry? You'll have to be a bit more explicit."

Malfoy looked completely mortified. "On my penis."

Harry could barely contain his glee. "I see. Shrinking charm? We deal with those more often than you'd expect."

"No. It's… they turned it into chocolate." Malfoy sank in the chair then, as if saying the words had sapped the last of his dignity.

Harry blinked. "Sorry?"

"Chocolate." Malfoy pressed a hand over his face. "My prick is now solid chocolate."

Harry found himself rendered speechless for a moment. "Well, that's a… that's a new one, I must admit. I hesitate to ask, but… I should probably take a look."

"I assumed as much." Malfoy sighed and fumbled with the tie of the robe. "If you laugh, I swear I'll--"

"Shut up and show me your cock, Malfoy." Harry couldn't stop himself from grinning. "Never thought you'd hear me say that, did you?"

Malfoy gave him an odd look. "No." He pulled the robe open at last.

It was only Harry's years as a Cursebreaker that kept his eyebrows from shooting up into his hairline. Malfoy was sporting an erection that did indeed appear to be made of chocolate. It almost looked like a strap-on: smooth and shiny and perfectly formed. It reminded him sharply of the year he'd dated a bloke who gave him a very naughty Easter bunny. His mouth watered at the memory.

"How do you know it's solid?" He couldn't bring himself to look at Malfoy's face.

"I took his word for it."

Harry looked up at that. "His?"

Malfoy's cheeks tinted and he looked away.

"Relax, Malfoy. There's something we have in common." He'd heard rumors to that effect, but never had actual confirmation. "What have you tried?"

Malfoy blushed even more. "What?"

"To break the curse. Did you try any counterspells?"

"Yes, all the usual stuff. Nothing worked."

"And your… friend, have you asked him to reverse it?"

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Yes. He claims he doesn't know how. It's some spell he read about somewhere once, says he just cast it without thinking, not even expecting it to work and… Can you help me, Potter? I don't know how much longer I can be like this. It got a little warm yesterday and the chocolate started melting. Look--" He lifted up the shaft and pointed to a spot where there was a clear smudge right above his testicles, which were still normal in appearance.

Harry felt a trickle of sweat slide down the back of his neck. "Too bad you weren't soft at the time. This looks impossible to hide."

"Hence the robe." Malfoy looked away again.

Harry sighed. "All right, I'll see what I can do. I'm not familiar with this particular curse, so I'll have to do some research. I'll make it my top priority today, since the situation is clearly… dire."

Malfoy nodded, still unable to meet Harry's eyes. "Thanks, Potter. I mean it. I owe you one."

"Yeah, well, I haven't fixed it yet. Can you come back this afternoon, maybe around 4 o'clock? I'll give you an update."

Malfoy nodded and closed the robe back around himself.

Harry leaned back in his chair again after Malfoy left. He took a sip of cold tea and tried to think of where to begin.

*****

He was buried under a stack of dusty journals when Malfoy knocked that afternoon. He was still wearing the floral robe and his anxious expression seemed to have deepened impossibly more. Harry wondered if he'd taken a sick day today. That's what he would have done.

"Any luck?" Malfoy seemed to be trying for a casual tone, but it came out a bit choked.

"I think so." Harry plucked three journals from the shortest stack and thumbed through the first. He pointed at an article and handed it to Malfoy. "This is the first mention I could find of a chocolate curse in the literature. It refers to a legend and the attempt to recreate the curse by a witch named Helga Bromtilden in the late 19th century."

Malfoy took the journal and scowled at it. "Is this all you found?"

Harry ignored the question. "She apparently managed to turn her own hands into solid chocolate, and was unable to reverse the spell. Her hands melted off, rendering it impossible for her to continue."

"That's ever so encouraging." Harry didn't miss the tightness in his voice.

He opened the second journal. "Her grandson continued trying to find a way to reverse the spell and did some fairly horrible experiments on livestock. He was also unsuccessful. The spell was then made illegal in 1914. It's still on the books as a Class 4 Unforgivable."

"Fucking hell," Malfoy muttered. The journal dropped from his lap and fell to the floor.

"So if you wish to pursue legal action, it's entirely--"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Harry bit his lip. "Just thought I'd mention it. Anyway--" he paused to rifle through the last journal until he found the right page "--there were several more cases during the mid-20th century, when the curse seemed to be a stylish way of getting back at one's enemies. All the instances here are of hands and feet being cursed into chocolate. I think there are a few ears in there, and maybe a nose."

"But no penis?"

"No." Harry looked up at him, steeling himself. "There is a way to reverse it, though."

Malfoy's eyes widened. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that in the first place?"

"I thought you, of all people, would appreciate the dark history of this curse."

"Out with it, Potter."

"In 1948 there was a witch whose hands were cursed by a jilted lover. She was so humiliated that she decided to eat her own hands, to get it over with. And though the chocolate seemed to be completely solid, once she started the chocolate just melted away, as if it was just a thin coating. No one believed her story at first, because so many others had lost limbs when they melted or were cut off. But further experiments verified the results." He sat back and smiled at Malfoy.

Malfoy gaped at him. "I haven't a clue what you just said, Potter."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember basic potions-making? The saliva of a witch or wizard has powerful magical properties. And apparently one of those is to reverse this spell."

"Are you saying I just have to _spit_ on myself?"

"Not exactly." Harry cocked an eyebrow. "Surely you can figure this out for yourself?"

Malfoy's eyes widened comically. "I have to-- That's impossible! I'm not that flexible, even with magic!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake. It doesn't have to be _you_. It can be anyone magical."

"You're saying I have to find someone to..."

"Suck the chocolate off of your cock, yes. You'll be right as rain." Harry collected the journals into a stack with a flick of his wand and pushed them to the side of his desk.

"Where am I supposed to find someone to do that?" Malfoy looked utterly bewildered.

"The usual way. Bar, rentboy. Call in a favor from a friend. I think your ex owes you that much, don't you?"

"Can't you just wave your wand? You're supposed to be the best cursebreaker in Britain!"

Harry smiled. "And I've done my job, haven't I? The door's just there. Good luck."

Malfoy sputtered at him a moment more and then stormed out, his floral robe flapping behind him.

Harry put his feet up on his desk and grinned. That had definitely been the best Monday ever.

*****

Tuesday morning was even busier than usual since Harry'd spent all of Monday helping Malfoy with his chocolate cock problem. He was almost literally buried under a pile of paperwork when Malfoy came barreling into his office without bothering to knock.

"What the fuck?" Harry managed.

Malfoy's robe was striped today. "This," he spat, letting the robe fall open. A chocolate erection still pointed northward from his nether regions.

Harry gasped in spite of himself. "It didn't work?"

"I don't know. I haven't found anyone who'll give it a try."

"How hard have you tried?"

"Surely you know someone who could help me out. You could explain it to them, that it's not like they're actually eating me."

"I can honestly say I know no one who'd like to help you with this."

"I can pay them!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, that will change their minds. Why don't you go down to Knockturn Alley and hire a rentboy, like a normal person?"

Malfoy sniffed indignantly. "There's no telling what diseases I'll catch down there."

"Better than not having a cock at all, I'd say." Harry turned back to his desk. "I spent five hours figuring out the solution for you yesterday. Surely you can handle it from here. Now kindly fuck off."

He didn't look up as Malfoy stalked out once more.

*****

When the door opened again in mid-afternoon, Harry didn't even look up from his paperwork. "Still no luck?"

"No." Malfoy slumped into the chair opposite Harry's desk. "Potter, I'm begging you."

Harry looked up to see an expression of utter defeat on his face. "Malfoy, I've done all I can. You're a good looking bloke. Surely you can find someone to blow you."

"Yeah, well. That's what I wanted to ask you about." Malfoy's face was unusually blank.

Harry stared at him for a long, awkward moment. "Are you asking _me_ to do it?"

Malfoy attempted a smile. "Why not? You just said I'm good-looking, so it wouldn't be a total hardship, would it? I know there's the whole thing where you hate me, but we've managed to put the past behind us enough to work in the same building. And you're gay, so--"

"So you think I'd have no problem just getting on my knees, then? Service with a smile?"

"I didn't mean it like that. Potter -- Harry, please. I haven't got anywhere else to turn."

"What about your ex?"

"I don't know where he is. He hasn't responded to my owls. I think he may have left the country."

Harry pushed back from his desk and shook his head. "I don't fucking believe this. All right, maybe I can call in a favor. I dated this guy a while back who'd probably be game."

Malfoy's gaze fell to the floor. "Fine. Thanks. I just… I don't think I have much longer. I've been sleeping with cooling charms in my bedroom, but there's still some damage."

Harry scrubbed at his forehead with one ink-stained hand. "I'll try to get him to meet you tonight. Where can he find you?"

*****

At 9 o'clock, Harry stood before the door of a large stone building. He stared down at the paper in his hands, matching the address Malfoy had scribbled with the engraving above the building's gothic doorway. He clenched his jaw and pointed his wand at the gargoyles engraved in the heavy brass door.

" _Password?_ " one asked, opening its shiny eyes.

"Harbintius."

The gargoyle eyed him suspiciously. " _Who are you here to see?_ "

"Draco Malfoy."

The gargoyle gave him a long look, and for a moment Harry thought he might be denied entrance. Great. Just when he'd worked up his nerve.

" _Enter_ ," the gargoyle said at last, and the door swung open to reveal a narrow marble foyer. At the far side was an ornate curved staircase.

Malfoy's flat was two levels up, third door on the left. Harry knocked twice and smoothed his hair down. He felt like he might throw up. The doorknob began to turn, and for a split second Harry thought about fleeing.

Malfoy blinked at him from the doorway, clenching the ridiculous striped robe around him. "Potter?" He glanced over Harry's shoulder into the corridor.

"He couldn't do it. So I… Can I come in?"

Malfoy opened the door and Harry walked through into what felt like a Muggle refrigerator. He could almost see his breath. The flat was small but fashionable, with stylish furnishings. They were standing in a living area with furniture arranged for conversation. A fireplace large enough to floo from dominated the room, and at the other side of the room Harry could see a small well-appointed kitchen.

"Fuck, it's cold in here." He turned to see Malfoy still standing by the door, an odd expression on his face.

"So does this mean you--"

Harry exhaled. "Yeah." They stared at each other, neither sure what to say next. At last Harry attempted a smile. "So how do you want me?"

"You don't have to do this." Malfoy's voice was barely above a whisper. "Really."

"No, I do. Otherwise you're going to keep barging into my office at all hours of the day dressed like a deranged hobo. People are already starting to talk."

Malfoy looked horrified. "They _know_?"

Harry waved a hand in the air. "No, I mean… Never mind. Can we get this over with?"

Malfoy nodded and straightened his tatty robe, apparently out of habit. "Fine. Of course. I'll just sit on the sofa, shall I?"

Harry nodded and Malfoy sat. His robe fell open and that chocolate erection jutted up comically. Harry settled on the floor in front of him and pressed his knees apart. The expression on Malfoy's face was shockingly open, almost vulnerable. He was trusting Harry completely here, and Harry couldn't help but find that a bit touching.

"I suppose this is a bad time to tell you I'm allergic?"

Malfoy paled. "What?"

"Kidding, kidding. Just relax." He gave Malfoy a quirky smile and ran his hands up the bare thighs spread before him. Malfoy's breath caught, and Harry decided not to look up at him. This was going to be awkward enough as it was.

He leaned closer to Malfoy's cock, taking in the shape and size of it, the slight curve upwards, all rendered perfectly in chocolate. He just needed to forget that it was Malfoy, and he'd be fine. Focus on the chocolate. And the cock underneath it, because honestly, Harry loved sucking cock. This was going to be _interesting_ , to say the least.

It felt exactly like he expected in his mouth, smooth and cool, tasteless at first until the heat of his tongue started to melt it a bit. He took the head to the back of his mouth, swirling his tongue and feeling the texture change from smooth to rough as the top layers were melted away. It was actually quite good chocolate -- rich without being cloyingly sweet. He pulled back and swallowed, and then worked the head with his mouth again.

There was a gasp above him at the same moment he realized his tongue was now moving against patches of hot skin in places. He felt a rush of relief -- he'd been certain this would work, but it was still good to know he'd been right, and that Malfoy would indeed have his bits intact afterward. Soon the head of Malfoy's cock was freed, and Harry realized he hadn't planned this quite as well as he'd thought. The entire shaft was still encased in chocolate, and he was going to have to do a hell of a lot of licking to melt it all.

Of course, there was always the alternative. He tossed his glasses aside, took a deep breath through his nose, willed himself to relax, and swallowed Malfoy's cock to the base.

"Oh fuck, Potter, didn't know you could…"

The rest became a strangled moan as Harry worked his way back up, using his teeth and tongue to peel off that layer of chocolate. He came off long enough to swallow before diving down again and again. It was glorious, and he soon couldn't tell where the chocolate ended and Malfoy began. He was vaguely aware that he had melted chocolate all over his face, but he was rapidly approaching the point of not caring. He loved this feeling of cock filling his mouth, pushing down his throat. He swallowed around the thick flesh and felt Malfoy's body respond immediately. He was starting to feel light-headed now and he moaned when tangled fingers in his hair, pressing gently against his scalp. He wanted that hand to push down, hold him there, but the fingers tightened in his hair and pulled him up.

"Don't forget to breathe," Malfoy whispered, his voice husky.

Harry gasped, realizing that he had indeed forgotten. He panted for a moment to catch his breath as Malfoy petted his head. He was rock-hard in his jeans now and slid one hand between his thighs to palm his prick through the thick fabric.

"I think you got it all. If you want to stop it's fine."

"No fucking way," he replied. He grinned up at Malfoy as he wrapped his fingers around the still-sticky shaft and stroked. "I'm nothing if not thorough."

He flicked his tongue against the underside of the head, eliciting whimpers from Malfoy. There were still bits of chocolate here and there, and he licked and sucked every morsel away. He worked the soft flesh of the foreskin with his tongue, grazed the crown with his teeth, and then sucked again, massaging the entire head with his mouth.

Malfoy seemed to be doing his best to stay quiet, but his body language was clear enough: he was getting close. Harry pressed the tip of his tongue into the slit, enjoying the mix of flavors now. He was on the edge himself, at the point of bliss, completely lost in the moment. His universe had shrunk down to the hot flesh in his mouth, to the sounds of Malfoy's stilted breathing, and to the pressure of his own hand against the hardness in his jeans.

His tongue wormed under the taut foreskin to wriggle against the underside of the head and he sucked, and then heard Malfoy cry out at last. His cock pulsed into Harry's mouth and then it was over. Harry kept sucking until there was a hand pushing him away from sensitized flesh. He pressed his forehead into Malfoy's thigh and fumbled at the fly of his jeans, desperate to touch himself.

"Let me do that," Malfoy said and Harry was pushed onto his back on the floor. Malfoy's cool fingers wrapped around his cock and pulled in short, quick strokes, sliding the foreskin over the head, twisting a bit and making Harry see stars.

"Oh fuck," Harry panted. Malfoy's mouth covered his own in a frantic kiss, covering them both in melted chocolate.

It didn't take long. Harry was usually quite vocal during sex, but he was reduced to moaning into Malfoy's mouth as he came. He floated there on the hard wooden floor for several long minutes after, not wanting to open his eyes. He wasn't sure he was ready to face what had just happened.

Malfoy was sitting on the sofa watching him, his face unreadable. He'd lost the robe and was now completely naked, his de-cursed penis now flaccid on his thigh. He'd cleaned himself up a bit and there were no traces of chocolate left anywhere.

Harry refastened his jeans and pushed himself to sitting. There were stains on his black t-shirt, but a bit of magic would take care of that. He fumbled for his wand, which had rolled a few feet away, and aimed it first at his face.

"No thanks necessary," he said at last, breaking the tense silence. "The satisfaction of a job well done is enough for me." He gave Malfoy a weak grin.

Malfoy smiled and shook his head. "That was fucking amazing, and you know it."

"The head or the cursebreaking?"

"Both."

Harry smiled back at him, uncertain how to respond to the first direct compliment from Draco Malfoy in, well, _ever_.

"Hungry?" Malfoy asked.

"Actually no. I'm a bit full." Harry grinned in earnest, and Malfoy laughed.

"I suppose you are. Thank you. I mean it."

Harry nodded, feeling himself grow warm. "No problem. I was happy to oblige." Malfoy raised an eyebrow at that and Harry looked away.

"Well, I'd best be going. Early morning tomorrow and all that." He pushed to his feet and ran a hand through his hair.

Malfoy stood as well, apparently comfortable being completely nude in front of Harry. "Do you want to get dinner tomorrow after work?"

Harry dragged his eyes back up to Malfoy's face. "Okay. Sure." He blinked. "Wait, are you asking me out?"

Malfoy shrugged. "I suppose so. I owe you dinner, at the very least. A proper dinner, anyway."

Harry hesitated for a moment, but couldn't give himself a good reason to refuse. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "All right. Dinner." He looked up at Malfoy and smiled. "But don't expect me to put out. I'm not usually this easy."

Malfoy laughed and pulled him close.

Five minutes later Harry apparated into his flat, one last kiss still lingering on his lips, and a smile on his face. This was definitely going to be interesting.

~ _fin_ ~

  



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